Initiating a difficult conversation with someone is never easy. However, it still may need to be done. To ease your nerves, and the possibility of it taking a sour turn, use the following guidance to plan ahead.
The Opening
State your reason or purpose for having the conversation and that you realize they have their own perspective and you want to hear it. Such as:
“I have received some information and I’d like to share it with you. It is a bit of a sensitive conversation – but I think it will help a great deal if we can talk about it.” Or,
“We work closely together, and it’s important to me that we have a relationship based on honesty and respect. I’d like to talk with you about something that has the potential of getting in the way.” Or,
“I wanted to talk to you about what happened in the meeting this morning. I was upset by something you said. I wanted to explain what was bothering me, and also hear your perspective on the situation.”
State the Facts
State the facts without exaggeration. Be accurate, impartial, direct, kind and honest. For example,
“I don’t know whether you intended this, but [Bill] felt extremely uncomfortable when …. “
“The person conveyed to me that in the meeting you said…”
“It was told to me that…”
“Mike, I noticed that you….”
Invite their Story
Listen with genuine curiosity to learn and ask open-ended questions. For instance,
“What was your experience?”
“Can you tell me more about your perspective?”
“How do you see things?”
“Can you talk a little more about that?”
“Say more about why this is important to you.”
Summarize What You Heard
Briefly restate their core themes.
“It sounds as if your main concerns are…”
Ask for What You Want
State what you want in the future, and be specific.
To soften a request “I wonder if it would make sense….?”
Conclude by Discussing the Next Steps and Thanking Them for Participating