Helpful Phrases

HARD CONVERSATION: OPENING LINES

• I wanted to talk to you about what happened in the meeting this morning. I was upset by something you said. I wanted to explain what was bothering me, and also hear your perspective on the situation.
• I wonder if it would make sense…? I wonder how you see it?
• I don’t know whether you intended this, but I felt extremely uncomfortable when...
• I’m anxious about bringing this up, but at the same time, it’s important to me that we talk about it...

OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS

• Can you say a little more about how you see things?

• What information might you have that I don’t?

• How do you see it differently?

• What impact have my actions had on you?

• Can you say a little more about why you think this is my fault?

• Were you reacting to something I did?

• How are you feeling about all of this?

• Say more about why this is important to you.

DIRECTLY EXPRESSING YOUR FEELINGS

• For me, what this is really about is…

• What I’m feeling is…

• What is important to me is…

RESPONSES TO ATTACKING STATEMENTS

• I understand.

• I see.

• Oh.

• What I hear you saying is…

• That sounds like a put down to me. (dealing with sarcasm)

• That seems harsh. (dealing with sarcasm)

• I’d like to hear your point after I finish mine. (dealing with being interrupted)

• That’s interesting. Tell me more.

RESPONSES TO ATTACKING STATEMENTS IN MEETINGS

• Does anyone else feel this way?